Andy Borowitz | Trump Collapses From Exhaustion After Ninety Minutes of Faking Empathy




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31 January 18 PM
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Andy Borowitz | Trump Collapses From Exhaustion After Ninety Minutes of Faking Empathy 
Donald Trump. (photo: Jim Lo Scalzo/Getty)
Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker
Borowitz writes: "Donald J. Trump collapsed from exhaustion after approximately ninety minutes of pretending to be a human being with empathy, the White House doctor has confirmed."
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Signature Line From Trump's Speech Is Already a White Nationalist Rallying Cry
Judd Legum, ThinkProgress
Legum writes: "It was a message that was quickly embraced by white nationalists, who paired the phrase with stock photos of white people."
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CDC Director Who Traded Tobacco Stock After Appointment Resigns
Brianna Ehley and Sarah Karlin-Smith, Politico
Excerpt: "Dr. Brenda Fitzgerald's resignation comes one day after POLITICO reported that one month into her tenure as CDC director, she bought shares in a tobacco company - the leading cause of preventable death and an issue she had long championed."
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A Town of 3,200 Was Flooded With Nearly 21 Million Pain Pills as Addiction Crisis Worsened, Lawmakers Say 
Lindsey Bever, The Washington Post 
Bever writes: "Over the past decade, nearly 21 million prescription painkillers have been shipped to a tiny town in West Virginia, a state where more people have overdosed on opioids and died than in any other in the nation." 
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San Juan Mayor Rips FEMA for Ending Puerto Rico Aid 
Morgan Gstalter, The Hill 
Gstalter writes: "San Juan Mayor Carmen Yulín Cruz on Tuesday criticized President Trump and the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) for ending food and water aid to Puerto Rico, saying the island still desperately needs help." 
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There Is No Good Reason for the Government to Scan People's Faces as They Leave the Country
Harrison Rudolph, Slate
Rudolph writes: "Why are airport face scans necessary? Is DHS's technology accurate? When will DHS adopt public rules explaining what the program is, how it works, and how it will protect Americans' privacy?"
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Volkswagen: The Scandal That Never Ends
Zoya Teirstein, Grist
Teirstein writes: "The German automaker issued yet another apology on Monday, this time for a fraudulent study the company commissioned four years ago."
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